"Shade-ar" - How to Spot a Tool

Here is post from a contributing writer, Lane Gempel. Lane is a veteran creeper escapee and has compiled this list based off years of experience of evading creepers:




As I read Micah and Alex's brilliant post about how to escape creepers, I realized the crisis that today's attractive woman faces. They call it being "hit on" for a reason: when you're a hottie, a night out on the town can practically feel like an assault. You will be constantly and incessantly approached by guys and you may meet one who seems like a cool, nice guy but who is actually a giant tool. So it is very important for you to learn how to quickly make a snap judgement on a guy based on their appearance. So take a look around the bar and size things up. Here is a list of things that should raise red flags if seen:
-highlighted hair
-traces of lipstick on his mouth (either another woman's or his own)
-wearing a black wifebeater
-weirdly long fingernails
-shadily sniffing the girl next to him
-wearing a wedding ring
-tribal artwork tattooed around his bicep
-faint goggle tan-lines around his eyes
-wearing Ed Hardy
-staring at you/other attractive women and licking his lips
-surrounded by empty beer bottles or shot glasses with a sort of glazed look upon his face
-package of condoms peeking out his back pocket
-donut peeking out his back pocket
-gold/crystal-encrusted teeth
-thong being revealed as he leans over
-remnants of white powder surrounding his nostril area
-repeated and persistant scratching of his groin
-purple arms (circulation being cut off as result of too-tight polo shirt sleeves)
-perfectly manicured eyebrows
-small tear escaping his eye after failed attempt at picking up a woman
-eyes lighting up and rushing to the dance floor when the newest Britney Spears song comes on
-lighting match after match and staring at the flame
-food crumbs in his beard
-discreetly speaking into a small tape recorder throughout the evening
-and more!
Say alert...Trust your instincts...Be proactive!
Learn how to avoid creepers and you'll never have to escape them.

Yours Truly,
Laney